do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
