You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
