Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
