I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
