I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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