life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
