Are my feet made of real feet?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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