Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
