i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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