the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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