Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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