I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize