so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize