Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
