do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
