You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
