Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
