Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
