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I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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