But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
