I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Randomize
