That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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