I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I just gift wrapped bread.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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