His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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