I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
