I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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