i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
