that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Why is there bacon in the couch?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
