i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
