So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
