I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'd cum for enchiladas.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
