I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
