my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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