We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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