Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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