She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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