I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
