Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
