Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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