It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
