We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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