I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
there's paper in my vomit.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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