I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Randomize
