He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
