You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
