Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
