so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
