Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
