Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Too much gin, very little bucket
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize