We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
