so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
