There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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