You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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