I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
