dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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