Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
