my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
