The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
