I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
