I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You can't just leave with hair like that
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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