If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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