Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
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