I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
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