YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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