Umm I'm too high to move.
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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