Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
