Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
