The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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