she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
You can't special order awesome
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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