Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Randomize
