Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize