My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
